The Beauty of Feet

I have goofy feet. Their goofiness resides on several levels. For starters, they are rather wide, thus earning me the nickname “Ducky” by my high school boyfriend, Patrick. I also had problems with my gait when I was young, which relegated me to a clunky pair of orthopedic shoes. I wore them for several years and cried when I was forced to pair them with my new birthday party dress.

And finally, I had the misfortune of acquiring the “bunion gene” (if there is such a thing) from my grandmother. The condition started rearing its ugly head when I was a teenager, and was only aggravated by the high heels I favored when I had my heart set on being a model. Good thing I switched to firefighting. The footwear is far more practical.

With my bunions advancing, I knew I had to take action. I didn’t want to end up with my grandmother’s gnarled feet, so a few years back I had corrective surgery. Now, my feet are quite cute, despite the scars adorning both big toes.

Every once in a while, stop and take a good look at your feet. When you think about it, they’re quite astounding. Each foot is composed of twenty-six funky little bones that are connected via thirty-three joints  and propelled by nineteen muscles. Over one hundred ligaments bind everything together to form a biomechanical wonder of locomotion. In fact, the fifty-two bones that make up the feet account for about a quarter of the body’s total bony assemblage (as do the hands, which contain an additional bone each).

Did you know that per square centimeter, the soles of your feet contain more sweat glands than any other part of your body? The same can be said for the foot’s sensory organs, which explains why feet are the perfect target of tickle monsters.

Women tend to have more frequent foot problems than men. We can blame such sadists as Jimmy Choo and Christian Louboutin, whose ridiculous skyscrapers women feel compelled to clomp around in, despite the unnatural demands they place on the feet. A two-and-a-half-inch heel can increase the load on the forefoot by seventy-five percent. Just think what those six-inch stilettos do to our poor soles, not to mention our tempers. It’s a wonder there aren’t more stiletto stabbings in New York.

I guess it could be worse. We could still buy in to the ancient Chinese practice of foot binding. This strange cultural tradition, which may date back over two thousand years, would be undertaken when a young girl’s foot bones were still pliable. The feet would be wrapped tightly, the toes and arches broken, in order to stuff them into teeny-tiny shoes. Bound feet were a status symbol and increased a woman’s chance of finding a rich mate. This practice of creating “three-inch golden lotuses” was banned in 1912, although many women continued the practice in secret. It’s a good thing it faded from fashion. There’d be no way I could get my wide "quackers" into such diminutive footwear. I would have been married off to the first rice farmer who came a callin'.

I must admit that high heels do enhance a woman’s legs. They add height and length and force the calves to flex in order to remain perched atop the heel. Not so for those comfortable yet oh-so-hideous Birkenstocks. Then again, if you’ve given in to Birkenstocks, I doubt catching a man is high on your list of priorities. 

But I give credit to my down-to-earth sisters who refuse to put on airs, or high heels. I myself prefer a midrange heel, one high enough to appear feminine, yet low enough that I could outrun Jack the Ripper, should he make chase. Although that stiletto might just come in handy… 

 Here is an excellent video on the practice of Chinese foot binding and how the concept of "beauty" is dictated by culture.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnmOqpoDFEw

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