Breasts for Hire

 I was cruising home from the gym the other morning, listening to the radio when the dramatic hyperbole of the local news station broke in.

            “YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT WE FOUND WHEN WE INVESTIGATED THE CONTENTS OF BREAST MILK BEING SOLD ON THE INTERNET!” they exclaimed in mock outrage. 

What made me gasp was not their groundbreaking reporting or the fact that there were contaminants in online breast milk. What shocked me was that there are loonies out there actually purchasing bodily fluids on the internet and feeding them to their newborns! WHAT THE HELL?!!

So I did some investigating of my own and it turns out breast milk is a hot item for sale on the web for parents who cannot provide their own. Granted, I don’t have kids so I’ve never had to deal with the trials and tribulations of breast feeding and, between you and me, any child of mine would starve, since I’m built like a prepubescent tween. But I was stunned that there are people out there who would purchase breast milk from a stranger and pass it on to their young. Isn’t natural selection supposed to weed out such insanity?

Not that the use of another’s milk is anything new. Milk surrogates have been around for thousands of years. So let’s spend a moment reflecting on this cultural practice, but let’s begin with a quick overview of the female anatomy. We've already covered the nether regions (October's Below the Equator) so let's head north. Welcome to “Breasts 101.”

Humans are mammals, meaning we are hairy, warm-blooded milk producers who nurse our young. Breasts are the means by which humans nurse, although their role in reproduction has been vastly overshadowed by their use in entertainment. Each breast is a complex structure of fat and connective tissue, lobes and lobules, ducts and nodes. All of this is arranged (somewhat) concentrically around a nipple, formally known as the areola.
 
Women produce milk in specialized cells called alveoli and the milk is carried via ducts to the nipples, where it is then consumed by the hungry newborn. What I didn’t know is that all women have about the same number of alveoli, regardless of breast size, so perhaps my kids wouldn’t starve after all…

But what happens when a woman can’t produce milk? Or, worst case scenario, the mother dies in childbirth? Enter the wet nurse.

The practice of wet-nursing goes back over four thousand years. Back then, if a woman failed to lactate, there were several remedies she could try before resorting to a surrogate: having her back rubbed with an oily concoction of fish bones, eating certain types of fragrant breads, or rubbing her malfunctioning breasts with poppy plants. If all else failed, a wet-nurse was brought in.

Wet nurses were typically members of the working class, if not outright slaves. Selection of the nurse would sometimes depend on the quality of her milk, which was gauged by the “fingernail test.” A drop of her milk was placed on the fingernail and if the milk slid off, it was considered too watery. If it clung to the nail when turned upside down, it was considered too thick. The ideal nurse produced milk that was “just right!”

In ancient Greece, wet nurses were not only utilized out of necessity, they were the preferred choice of higher status individuals. This trend carried on into the Renaissance, where aristocratic women were too busy playing cards and attending the theatre to worry about nursing. Besides, it was believed breastfeeding would ruin the figure and in fashion-conscious France, style always trumped suckling.

But as the practice spread, so did its opponents. Many believed the use of a wet nurse would harm the child by passing on physical or psychological defects from the nurse, especially if the nurse was a redhead! Redheads were believed to be ill tempered – a trait that tainted their milk. Others believed breast milk contained magical qualities meant to be shared between mother and child; thus it was a mother’s “saintly duty” to nurse her child.

Today, women have more options. Gals who cannot, or choose not, to breastfeed commonly use formula, and there are a plethora to choose from. Although formula lacks many of the benefits of breastfeeding, especially when it comes to immune response – it is still a practical option.

But should a parent insist on breast milk for their child, there are ways to obtain it without resorting to Craig’s List. The Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA) provides outlets for safe, pasteurized donor milk, as well as donation portals for women who have milk to spare.

So play it safe and use good judgment in your hunt for milk. After all, you wouldn’t accept a blood transfusion from some dude on the web.

Trust me... your baby will thank you.


Here's a great read on the history of wet nursing. Why am I suddenly hungry?...

 



In remembrance...

                               1918 - 2013