Friday, June 20, 2014

The Evolution of the Bra


 

This morning while I was getting dressed, I realized that throughout my entire adult life, I’ve worn the same type of bra. It’s really a grownup version of a training bra: stretchy material that comfortably conforms to that most difficult of female physiques – the broad-shouldered, small-breasted tomboy variety.

For years, I’ve pumped and swum my way to a sturdy, muscular frame. Of course, much of that was dictated by the thirteen years I spent as a firefighter-paramedic, where I hoisted myriad tools, equipment, and patients on a regular basis. And even having left the field of emergency services, I still adhere to a rigorous workout regime.

But all those years of working out did little for the development of my female upper regions. Alas, I still sport the chest of a prepubescent teen and shall forever be relegated to the training bra.

Bras have truly evolved over the centuries. They are a reflection of fashion, function, and sexuality and are designed to lift, support, and separate those most essential female accoutrements, the boobies. So I thought it’d be fun to travel back in time and witness the evolution of this imperative undergarment. Let’s take a look…

Bras were believed to have evolved over the last hundred years: a result of women's kicking their corsets to the curb after centuries of miserable cinching. But in 2008, a couple of archaeologists stumbled upon four linen brassieres tucked within an Austrian castle dating back to the 1400s, pushing the invention of the bra back another five hundred years. These ancient undergarments resemble their modern counterparts, some even sporting intricate decorations of lace. They’re tattered and torn, calling to mind men’s jockey shorts, which are traditionally worn until they disintegrate.

In 1913, a corseted Mary Jacob was wrestling her way into a frock when she decided there had to be a better way. Using a ribbon and two handkerchiefs, she constructed a rudimentary bra (use your imagination), squishing and flattening her breasts into what is described in the literature as a “monobosom” (again, use your imagination). Word of her handy-dandy invention quickly spread , so a year later she patented her creation and capitalized on her busty achievement.

Around this time, World War I was winding down and the corset was on its way out. The metal that lined those miserable contraptions was needed for ammunition and tanks, so women everywhere gratefully complied. Styles were changing, too. The curvaceous figures of the corseted era were being replaced by the boyish, flat-chested flappers of the Jazz Age (damn, I would have been popular). Women were chopping their hair and shortening their skirts. They didn’t have time to mess with corsets. Besides, when you’re up all night drinking bootleg whisky and bebopping to Louis Armstrong, breasts just get in the way.

In 1922, in a small dress shop in New York, Enid Bissett, along with Ida and William Rosenthal, were hard at work perfecting what would become the modern bra. They devised a two-cup device that was held together with elastic and sewn into the dresses they designed. They soon realized they were sitting on a gold mine, so they stripped the bras from their dresses, sold them outright, and the Maidenform Bra was born! Since women come in all shapes and sizes, they devised the alphabetical designation for cups. The letter is based on how many ounces of booby the cup will hold: “A,” about eight ounces; “B,” thirteen; “C” can contain twenty-one bodacious ounces; and the daddy of all cups, “D,” can hold a whopping twenty-seven. That’s a lot of breast! I wonder where my bras rank?... I’m thinkin’ somewhere in the tablespoon realm.

An interesting side note: It was the American author, Mark Twain, of Huckleberry Finn fame, who devised the oh-so-clever elastic strap and metal clasps. He envisioned applying his elastic-clasp combo to an array of undergarments, but the pantaloons industry was in its death throes, so he stuck to bras.

But I digress...

About forty years later, human ingenuity took another giant leap forward. No, I’m not talking about the moon landing, I’m talking about the invention of the Wonderbra. With streamlined cups and a plethora of padding, even the “A” -leaguers could sport a bit of cleavage. But the real breakthrough came in 1977 when Roy Raymond founded Victoria’s Secret. Although Frederick’s of Hollywood had been around since the 1940s, many were too embarrassed to venture inside. Victoria’s Secret provided a safe haven for the bashful; and their catalogs, masturbation fodder for teenage boys everywhere.

But have you every stopped to ask yourself why?? Why do we wear bras? And more importantly, why do we consider “the natural look” obscene? Yes, bras hold everything in place, which becomes more important as the years tick by, but it’s disturbing that something as natural as unfettered breasts is deemed lewd and indecent.

I’m sure the menfolk would be in favor of a braless revolution. As for me, I’d participate, but I doubt anyone would notice…


 Me as a kid. Not much has changed...:)