Why We Kiss

Recently, the media was abuzz over a newly drafted NFL player. What set tongues wagging was not the four-hundred-thousand-dollar-a-year salary or the ingrained violence of pro football. Intolerants everywhere were outraged that the rookie shared a celebratory kiss with his partner, who just happened to be another man.

The squawking was immediate and profound, all of it over a simple kiss. I bet their heads exploded as they imagined the private celebration that took place later between Michael Sam and his partner, Vito Cammisano.

All the hubbub got me thinking about the significance of kissing. Why do we do it? How did it arise? What compelled our ancestors to press their lips together and go for it? Let’s explore.

Kissing surely predates its appearance in the written record. I’m betting the ancients were swapping spit long before writing was invented, since Neolithic entertainment was limited to tending goats and polishing your adze. Some of the earliest references come from India. Sanskrit texts dating to over three thousand years ago describe kissing, as does the famous (and oh-so-erotic) Kama Sutra, although the kissing is probably thrown in to provide a break from all those sexual contortions.

The industrious Romans even devised categories to describe their kissing. A kiss on the cheek? That was called an osculum. A kiss on the lips? A basium. And deep kisses were referred to as savolium. Not exactly words to make you swoon but, then again, kisses were also used in their business transactions, thus the saying, “Sealed with a kiss”!

Kissing may have its origins in feeding. Many animals are known to chew food and then pass it directly to their young. Psychologists theorize that in humans, this practice may have stuck around as the child got older, morphing from a necessity to a means of bonding. Ironically, the same muscle that allows an infant to latch on to the breast also enables us to lip lock. The orbicularis oris runs around the outside of your mouth. Not only does it allow you to pucker up, it also allows to contort your mouth to speak (unless you’re a ventriloquist).

The orbicularis is only one of many muscles that engage during a kiss. The lateral pterygoid pulls your jaw open while the masseter and temporalis ease it shut. But some of the most important muscles for kissing reside within your tongue (why bother kissing if you don’t go French?). The styloglossus, the palatoglossus, and the hypoglossus allow you to explore the interior regions of your partner’s mouth (among other areas), but here’s a word of advice to you boys: when it comes to the tongue, less is more. There’s nothing worse than an overzealous “thruster,” so play it cool and apply in moderation.

As we all know, the bliss of kissing is not confined to your mouths. Within seconds, your whole body jumps on board. Sensations race along the nerves of your mouth, tongue, and face, electrifying your brain, which gratefully dumps hormones and neurotransmitters into your bloodstream. Dopamine and serotonin provide that blissful rush, oxytocin intensifies your feelings of affection, and adrenaline makes your heart go pitter-patter. It’s a beautiful physiological symphony. It can also be a calorie-burner. One hour of kissing burns around twenty-six calories; nothing to brag about, but it beats the treadmill.

Kissing can improve your health, along with your relationship. Regular kissing has not only been shown to increase intimacy, it may also promote a healthy heart by reducing stress.

And we are not alone in our propensity to kiss. Apparently our buddies, the bonobos, whose sexual exploits we explored in May’s Sex Evolves, engage in the occasional smooch, as well.

Kissing plays a fundamental role in most cultures. According to the Bible, Judas was paid thirty pieces of silver for betraying Jesus with a kiss. The 1896 film by our own Thomas Edison, of telephone fame, was the first to premier a kiss on the wide screen in a movie blandly entitled “The Kiss” (not very creative for a famous inventor). And a creepy side note: a print of Mick Jagger’s lips sold for a whopping sixteen thousand dollars. Those smackers even sport their own Facebook page!

Your culture also dictates the context of kissing. Some countries, like China and Japan, are not big on physical contact, so public kissing is considered a no-no. In Western Europe, kissing has become the normal part of a meet-and-greet. And in Muslim countries, kissing is reserved for those of the same gender, which is practically unheard of in the good ole U.S. of A. Men kissing men?? You might as well ask them to put on a pair of pantyhose… which is really a shame. One of the things I loved about traveling through Italy was seeing men greet each other with a kiss to the cheek. So refreshing.

And apparently there are many different ways to kiss. The most expansive website I found boasted fifty different techniques, from the “freeze kiss,” where you add a piece of ice to the mix, to the “buzzing kiss,” which entails vibrating your lips and cheeks while humming next to your partner’s face. The ice, I can handle, but any “buzzing” partner of mine is going to get the fly-swatter.

A kiss is indelibly intimate. Sex itself can be an impersonal affair - ask any prostitute - but there’s something about a kiss that transcends the physical boundaries that separate us. So pucker up and enjoy the rush!

Happy kissing and I’ll catch you next week!